Sometimes some stuff I consider 'not bad' doesn't get published. So I propose to publish them myself...
Having proven himself entirely adept at the time-honoured army tradition of 'friendly fire' (shooting members of your own side that is - though this time they weren't British) one wonders whether the normally astute Duck Cheney might not be better off serving as ambassador to Iraq. At least if he failed to take out any of al-Zarqawi's men there is always the deadwood of the UN.
"I thought it was Howard Dean," explained a thoroughly chastened Duck Cheney.
What many of us have found reprehensible however is how some have attempted to pin the blame for the whole thing on the unfortunate victim for getting himself shot. Apparently, if you leave the group (as he did to retrieve a downed bird) you are supposed to return to it gesticulating wildly and shouting at the top of your voice.
Now given that this was an armed group of Republicans I would have thought this would be a dangerously high-risk strategy. They may well have taken such a wildly gesticulating advancing figure for Howard Dean - and shot him by ‘accidental’ rolling volley fire as last witnessed in the film Zulu. “Yaaaaaahhhhhh!” commented Mr Dean when the matter was raised with him, “And that’s how we’ll take the White House”.
Suspicions that Mr Cheney had thought it might just be George W. and decided to take his big chance proved unfounded. As every one knows, all Republicans and prospective residents of the Oval Office have always owned up that: "the buck shot's here".
To watch the mainstream media’s coverage of this story however you would think a massacre, not a wounding, had taken place. The US Democrat Party media (that's 99% of the US TV and print media) has been apoplectic as to why Duck Cheney did not surrender to them within minutes of the shooting incident. The truth is that as it was another Republican not a Democrat that Duck C. shot he obviously did not think the Democrat media would be interested. Meanwhile, thankfully, lawyer Harry Whittington, though he has suffered a mild heart attack, is said to be stable - if a little heavier (well so would you be with 200 pieces of shot inside you) - in hospital. It has also become clear that Mr Cheney doesn't like the mainstream media very much - and with good reason. Not only do they go after him with some venom so to they don't much care whether what they say is true or not. Throw enough mud...et al.
But one thing everyone appears to have missed is that the shooting party were Quayle (sic) hunting at the time. This came as a surprise to many political observers who didn't even know Dan Quayle was running for high office again. In the light of this incident however Dan may want to keep out of Duck's way and run even faster in the future.
But our readers might like to know that in fact this vice-president incident has a precedent. Apparently former British Liberal Prime Minister Lord Rosebery was also something of a 'friendly fire' buff. So it is not just conservatives who dabble. Leo McKinstry, whose biography of Lord Rosebery was recently awarded the Channel 4 Political Book Award in the UK, reports, “Rosebery was fanatical about shooting.” He went on, “But on one occasion he was out with his friend Sir Charles Tennant and accidentally shot him in the testicles. It can’t have been fun for Sir Charles at the time, but apparently there wasn’t any permanent damage.” Though the unfortunate Tennant did eventually die. So who knows?
At least Duck C. had the good grace to aim a little higher. Though not quite as high as Brit Sir Charles Tennant was later able to speak.
© Peter C Glover, February 2006
British elections, with rare exception can be a less than blood-curdling, ‘colourless’ affair. Not so elections in the USA. Especially in the state of Minnesota where voters could find themselves with a self-proclaimed vampire calling the shots after the next state governor election.
Eight years ago Minnesota voters elected wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura governor. This year sees Jonathan “The Impaler” Sharkey running for the post on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party. Sharkey has run for political office in the past. He once stood as congressional Republican candidate in New Jersey and elsewhere under his semi-pro wrestler name of Rocky “Hurricane” Flash.
“Politics is a cut-throat business,” said Sharkey who announced his formal candidature for the Minnesota state governor election on Friday January 13 – his ‘lucky’ date. “I’m a Satanist who doesn’t hate Jesus,” he explained. “I just hate God the Father.”
Sharkey claims to have been drawn to the ‘dark side’ because of “no-good, lying, hypocritical Christians. Who promote their Christian God The Father as the greatest thing for this world. When in reality, it is their God who is truly responsible, along with his followers, for the downfall of this world's civilizations.” Technically, Sharkey is right. The Bible itself makes it clear that world civilizations do indeed wax and wane according to the whim of God. The irony of his agreement with the Bible on the point does not deter our erstwhile ‘blood-sucking’ politician, however.
Sharkey claims to respect all religions. If elected he even promises freedom to post everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed in government and public buildings. Lately a matter consuming the time of the American court system.
In a more controversial move he also pledges to execute convicted murderers and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol. A move which may yet prove a vote winner among a population where 64%, according to a recent Gallup Poll, support the use of the death penalty.
Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he’s a vampire “just like you see in the movies and TV.” He explained, “I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor…and drink their blood.” He added that his “donor” was his wife, Julie. This could not be confirmed at the time as Julie was unavailable for comment until the sun went down.
According to Sharkey’s online website he and his wife also plan to set up a new church in 2006 – the Church of Lucifer – as well as launching a new TV talk/news show “The Underworld”. But Sharkey’s ambitions do not end with the governor’s mansion. He has already lodged papers with the US Federal Election Commission to run for the presidency in 2008. If he does of course one wonders how voters will be able to distinguish between his campaign and that of the prospective Democrat candidate - Hillary Clinton. And, if he gets in, no doubt he will soon be declaring‘ sacrifices will have to be made….blah….blah’.
© Peter C Glover, January, 2006
Nudity annuls marriage, says 'bonkers' Islamic.
An Egyptian cleric has issued a controversial fatwa announcing that full nakedness during the sex act can invalidate a marriage. Not surprisingly this has caused something of a stir among Muslim clerics not involved in a 'cover up' all these years.
Rashad Hassan Khalil a teacher of Sharia Law claims that "being completely naked during the act of coitus annuls the marriage."
Another Islamic scholar hit back that "Nothing is prohibited during marital sex, except of course sodomy." He won't be taking the family to see 'Brokeback Mountain' then.
The fatwa-issuing Khalil did not give reasons for his new teaching. But he will need to be careful. It is the promise of 70 (presumably naked) virgins in heaven that draws highly-strung and deeply disturbed young Muslims nutters to pay housecalls sporting suicide belts. The thought of heavenly virgins being forced to keep their ethereal ‘housecoats’ might lead to this particular doctrine finding less appeal.
Exactly, how Khali believes his new fatwa can be policed is anyone's guess. Presumably, using under cover agents?
© Peter C Glover, January, 2006